At some point, we were given a book of the song The 12 Days of Christmas. I had fond memories of this song, soley from a Muppet version on a vinyl record that I remember as hilarious, highlighted by Miss Piggy making just hilarious jokes at the “Five Golden Rings” verse.
I have since listened to this Muppet version. Not so funny.
But my children love both the song and the book. For three Christmas seasons now, I have sung this song at least once a day, if not twice. It is a long song. And did you ever notice that it is largely about birds?
It is also sexist, at least our book, with this vaguely 19-century-ish British-ish guy giving all these presents to a wanly smiling woman at her vaguely British mansion.
Anyway, Oliver Miller at The Faster Times recently reviewed the song, complete with grades for each gift – yes, this is strange, but funny – and I could not stop laughing as I sung it tonight, though I kind of wonder if, like the Muppet version, the review is funnier in memory.
Here is an excerpt:
Five Golden Rings: “FIIIII-VE GOOOL-DENNNN RINGS.” You know why we shout this part of the song? Because this is the only good present out of the whole bunch. …The next day at the bar, someone’s like, “So, what’d you get?” And you’re like: “A bunch of golden rings. Which was pretty awesome. And then…” you stare down at the surface of the bar and start mumbling “…some birds or something.”
Next, as twilight starts to fall, you resume your lonely drinking — calculating how much longer you can avoid going back to your horrible, hen-and-dove-infested apartment. Should you pawn the golden rings to pay for birdseed? Use them to make a down-payment on a second apartment? Outside, the darkness gathers; but you shake your head, unable to decide what to do… Grade: B-minus
Nope, still funny.